Knowing how to go about talking about emotions doesn’t come as standard: it’s learned too, and home is the best place to practise it. You don’t need to wait for a special moment or prepare a speech. Three simple gestures that you can repeat day to day with your child, whether they’re little or not so little anymore, are enough.
Talking about emotions can be learned
In many families, feelings aren’t shared: they’re held in, covered up or dealt with quickly so everyone can move on. Nobody does it with bad intentions. It’s simply what people grew up with at home and what gets repeated without thinking.
The good news is that talking about emotions is a skill, not a personality trait. It’s trained through practice, like any other. And the best place to practise it is the most everyday one: the kitchen, the car, the trip home from school, dinner time.
Put a name to what they feel
The first gesture is giving words to what’s happening. A phrase as simple as “it looks like you’re angry” helps them recognise what they feel and shows them you can see it. You don’t need to get it right the first time: if they correct you, they’re already talking to you.
Naming it doesn’t mean agreeing with everything or approving of any reaction. It means acknowledging that the emotion is there. From that acknowledgement, talking about emotions stops being something strange and becomes part of everyday conversation at home.
Listen before offering solutions
The second gesture is harder than it looks. When you see your child upset, it’s natural to want to fix it as soon as possible: give advice, play it down or suggest a plan. But if the solution comes before the listening, the message they get is that what they feel is a nuisance and needs to be dealt with quickly.
Listening first gives them room to finish telling you what’s going on. Often, when talking about emotions calmly, it’s the child who ends up finding the way out. And if they don’t, your suggestion will come at a better moment.
Tell them how you feel too
The third gesture goes the other way. Your child learns more from what they see than from what they hear, so the most direct way to teach them about talking about emotions is to do it yourself in front of them. Saying that you’re tired today, that something has worried you or that some news has made you happy is a lesson that needs no explanation.
Talking about emotions isn’t about burdening them with your problems, but about showing naturally that adults have feelings too and that sharing them is fine. That daily example carries more weight than any talk.
Child and family psychology at Semedi Salud
Sometimes day-to-day life leaves no room, or the words just won’t come no matter how hard you try. That’s normal. If you’re struggling to find the moment or the way of talking about emotions with your child, our child and family psychology service can help.
We’re on the 1st floor of El Corte Inglés in Málaga and you can book an appointment on 952 395 363. And if you’re also worried about how they’re getting on this school year, our guide to settling in at school may help.
Frequently asked questions
What should I do if my child doesn’t want to tell me anything?
There’s no need to force the conversation. Carrying on naming what you see and sharing how you feel leaves the door open for when they want to come in.
What if I also find it hard to put a name to what I feel?
It’s more common than you might think. Working first on your own way of talking about emotions is also part of family psychology, and it shows afterwards at home.
Does something serious have to happen before I book an appointment?
No. Wanting to support your child better is already a good reason to seek help, without waiting for the problem to grow.
